my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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