nut hugger
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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