Me too!
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize