who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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