All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
