Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
