I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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