Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
