I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
