Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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