hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
