I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Of course I have a pirate flag
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize