There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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