I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
