Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
