yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
