what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
