i don't like sucking hair
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
