I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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