Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
