I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
