Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just gargled with NyQuil
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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