I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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