That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well I just put wine in my tea
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Randomize
