fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
