You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
