i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dick very happy bro
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
