Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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