I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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