I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
