swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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