if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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