Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
