I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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