If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
