I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
