I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
