There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
