This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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