Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
