kristin has been a bad kristin
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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