you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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