The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
