so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Pooping to opera.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
