I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
