Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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