please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
