Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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