oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
