I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize