I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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