the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
