On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
