My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
