I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
