i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Floor bacon is actually really good
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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