I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
