I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
