the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
