he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
