Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
