Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
