Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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