I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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