The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We left the knife in your bed.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
