Whatcha textin bout Willis?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
