I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
