she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
