You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
