I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I will be naked everywhere
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
