right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
