OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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