Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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