I can't watch pbs sober anymore
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
