my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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