Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
