Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Ketchup is God's man juice
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
