so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You made out with two different species that night
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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