never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
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