he shaved USA in his pubs
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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