I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
